A state of mind
by nameIDC
Summary: I'm not so good at summaries... so I'll tell you that: the first chapter have lots of blood and some images I don't recommend to young people to read, so beware! pairings: Spamano obviously, Prucan, Gerita and I'll update this summary when I'll continue :D
1. Chapter 1

Happiness, confusion and sadness.

That's what I feel every night.  
At first, I play with my fratello- innocent game.

"Fratello! Come on! Toss the ball already!" I complain in my 7 years old voice when again papa says "kids, be careful not to throw it too hard!" "All right papa!" Feliciano chirps and threw the ball to me again giggling. My youngest fratello, Marcello started giggling as well but more of a one years old child's giggles of nothingness.

Sometimes I wish mother had forgotten her headphones that day… stopped our game as usual when dad was driving and keeping it calm, so what I have done wouldn't happen at all…

I threw the ball.

Screaming… and screeches of the wheels as the car was spinning round and round… then there was a big crash.

Blackness. Everything is black.  
I open my eyes, everything is blurry and painful.. "Mommy? Daddy? What happened?" I asked and everything became clearer. I touched my mother's hand, it was cold. "Mommy? Are you asleep?" I asked and moved closer to look at her.

I screamed. I never heard in my entire life someone scream so hard in terror.

In front of me was my mother. Drenched in blood, glass shreds was all over her face and a frozen face of terror and panic. In my 7 years old mind I knew it already, Mommy is not here anymore. "P-Papa? What happened? Why is mommy like that?!" I cried and looked at where my father's head once was.

I blacked out.

Later when I woke up, we were in nonno's house. Feli had jumped happily on the bed when he saw I woke up. "Nonno! Nonno! Fratello is up!" he screamed in joy and Marcello got closer to me and put my hand in his mouth. Nonno came into the room and sighed in relief when he saw me. "Feli, can you take Maro with you? I need to talk with Lovino." He said and Feliciano nodded as he took Marcello with him.  
"Nonno it's my fault, isn't it?" I said as I looked down on my hands which were holding the blanket tightly "I wish I could say it wasn't…" he sighed and looked away from me. The world had blackened as he got slowly out of the room.

I cried, so fucking hard.

My fault! It was all me! I killed them! I made them like that! I should've died with them! I don't deserve to live! I don't- Feliciano came quietly into the room and sat in front of me. "Lovi, will you go to the stars too?" he asked quietly as he sniffled.

I stared at him "what?" "will you go to the stars too, like mama and papa?" he asked. "…No, as long as you keep smiling I won't." I said as I whipped his tears "Really?" he asked "Really really. So stop crying and smile, make the world better with it." I said and hugged him. "Okay!" he giggled and returned the hug.

I woke up.

I groaned as I found out Feli was trying to kill me by his motherfucking hug from hell's fire which was invented by a fucking French and German people. Yeah, it was _that_ horrible. I felt my soul slipping away! "Feli. Feli You're killing me! Let me go." I panicked and he let go of me quickly. "Yayyyyy you're awake~ it's your first day in high school so you should hurry or Toni will worry!" he chirped and giggled as he found out it rhymed.

I facepalmed, hard.

..That fucking hurt motherfucker ouch!

As I got over the pain I dressed up like an Italian boss- that I am and went downstairs with all the Italian style I had.

God, I feel so gay.

Anyway, I drank my coffee so I'll be awake and went out with my bag that I left last night in front of the door.

But my oh so loving family wouldn't be happy with that, oh no. the moment I took a step out of the door I was hugged by three different Italians who insisted I should stay at home forever and ever and ever~ -by Feli's words of course. "Let me go you bastards! The soon as I start this day, the sooner it's over!" I yelled "Oh Lovino! You hurt my feelings so." The stupid fuckface sighed dramatically as he and his friends tomato bastard and Albino potato bastard stood in front of us.

"Don't whine you bastards! Help me here!" I demanded and they helped me with a sigh.

"thank you." I said as I got out from an Italian hug to a perverted hug (yeah Francis, remove your hand from there!) "bye!" I yelled at my whining family as I started walking with the FAG trio (Francis, Antonio, Gilbert).

I slapped Francis's hand from my ass, Antonio's from my waist and Gilbert's from my head. "Lovi~ that wasn't nice! Let me hug youuuu!" Antonio whined loudly "mon cher~ Romano is just moody because of school, don't worry." Francis said as he patted Antonio, on the ass. "Kesesesesesese this day shall be Awesome like the Awesome me~" Gilbert said all of a sudden as expected from his ADHD.

I facepalmed, as usual.

* * *

HETALIA IS NOT MINE AND WILL NOT BE AT ANY POINT. :I

Hello people~ I'm a new writer in here so PLEASE DON'T HIT ME TOO HARD QAQ  
well I love reading and I decided to write and mess with some people's feels :D  
but siriusly, I tend to sometimes forget about my stories so review it so I'll have energy to write! :D  
thank you for reading my silly mess! ~nameIDC


	2. Chapter 2

Loneliness, anger and pain.

That's what I feel every day at school.  
It starts with innocent walking on the hall:

"So~ Gilbert, I heard from someone you have a new boyfriend. Who is it~?" Francis asked hugging him from behind. "oh Ja! He's so Awesome! Birdie is almost Awesome as me!" he answered something which wasn't in the lines 'oh, he's just a good fuck' or 'it was a bet' surprisingly.

"Birdie…?" Francis asked "Ja! It's an Awesome nickname I gave to him cause he looks like Gilbird!"

I facepalmed.

Of course he'll like someone who's like a pet he named after himself. I wouldn't wander if it's a bird too…

"BIRDIE!" "MAPLE!" and then I saw Gilbert running after Matthew.

There was a pause for a second.

It didn't last long.

"GET AWAY FROM MY COUSIN BEER BREATH!" Francis yelled and Antonio decided he want to join the fun too "WAIT FOR ME GUYS!"

And suddenly I was completely alone in the hallway.

Fucking fantastic baby.

Ughhh and that song Feli was listening for five weeks straight got stuck in my head (I never believed I would say 'Feli' and straight in the same line!).

So I kept walking to my class, like the boss I am and some bastard ran into me on purpose just so I'll fall (but I didn't) and decided it's cool to beat up the Italian homosexual.

"Heh. Look at this fag! He can't even fall properly!" he laughed and of course his friends laughed as well! But I decided to stay cool about it to not cause problems on the first day, so I started walking away.

But that didn't please them I guess.

I was shoved down to some random lockers. "I bet you wanna suck my dick because you're so gay!" the same guy laughed as he was looming over me. His friends laughed and one of them decided it was so smart to say "why won't you make him to do it?" which of course leaded to some cheerings.

"So, fag. I'll do you a favor and let you do something you obviously wanted to do a long time! Don't you like a dick chocking you?" he asked and laughed "I bet your dick is labeled as a thing kids under 3 can't play with because it's so small if it can choke someone." I said.

I really should not have said that.

Really.

I met a fist at that point.

A fist of 153 mph.

Motherfucker that fucking hurt!

I met with another fist and some kicking.

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck on a pogo stick full of fucks!  
his friends are joining, joy.

Everything is blurry, and there's pain everywhere. I started sobbing as I remembered my dream and the pain from so so long ago…

I heard a big BANG sound.

The kicking and fists stopped.

"if you touch him again, I'll not only make sure you'll live hell- but I'll make sure you're in there!" someone said.

I heard some fight noises but everything is so blurry…

"hey there, don't worry. I'm taking you to the nurse." He whispered to me and everything turned black.

Then a dream started.

**~ -n- zZzZzZ ~**

"hello, my name is Alfred. What's yours?" a blonde kid asked me

"R-Romano..." I answered shyly.

"wanna play with me?" he asked with a bright smile I hesitated "don't you want to play with my brother? Everyone does… even sometimes mama and papa…" I asked "no way! You look WAY cooler and strong then he is!" he said happily "really?" I asked smiling "yeah." He smiled "okay!"

The game was fun, we fought demons and dragons (cats and lizards) and saved the princess (puppy) 'like a true heroes' in Alfred's words

Then the puppy ran away.

"we have no princess to save! how can we be now true heroes?" Alfred whined

"maybe we will find a new one?" I asked.

Alfred rubbed his chin like he was thinking… and having a beard. "hmm… maybe… you'll be the princess!" he said loudly "what?! I look nothing like a princess!" I yelled in horror "please? Pretty please? With cream and cherry on top and some sprinkles? I promise I'll be the princess next time!" (he never was) "forget about the sprinkles and we have a deal!" I said.

he made me wear a dress.

A fucking dress.

"don't worry princess! I'll save you!" he yelled fighting the demon (cat) and when he won he ran to me.

"I saved you princess! Now you will marry me!" he said happily "okay. Now the game ended, right? Good, bye." I started to get away but he grabbed my arm "Nuhuh! You didn't kiss your hero! So the game didn't end yet!" he said "what? We didn't agree on-" he gave me a small kiss on the lips (a children's like of course) and smiled happily "now we will live forever and ever and we'll marry!" he said as I blushed and ran away.

* * *

HETALIA IS NOT MINE AND WILL NOT BE AT ANY POINT. :I

new chapter, SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG! QAQ  
forgive me if I'm doing silly stuff .3.~nameIDC


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